Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
