I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
