Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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