I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
