You're my little dorito
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
