I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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