i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
