Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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