Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
nutella sex= disaster
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
