In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
