I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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