google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
