Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
