Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
