I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
