You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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