i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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