Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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