it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
