I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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