Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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