i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
