omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
