You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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