Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
