i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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