Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Houston, we have a blender
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
