Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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