he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
