i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
