She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
