dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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