Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
