Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
