cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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