I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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