People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
