why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
