suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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