she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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