wakey wakey hands off snakey
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want her autograph on my taint
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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