She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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