i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
