drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
