Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
