I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
