Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
