Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
