You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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