Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
