Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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