ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
